Discovery instead of Achievement

A year ago I entered Landsberg by bike…I remember seeing the town a bit from above, soft blue colours in the distance, the church towers in the Lech valley….My journey stopped here.

What have I learnt? What is alive?

A scene at school: a group of first graders come into the room with the idea of playing “school”. Luca, three grades older is the teacher, the three younger ones the pupils. They sit down, open their note books and look at the black board. Luca is going to teach them the alphabet, not in block letters that they have already learnt but the cursive ones. He starts with the A, the capital letter and next to it the small one, and so on, B b, C c…

His pupils are eager to write the new versions and check whether their copies are okay. “Yes, very good.”, he answers, his voice turning soft. And even when they doubt and are not satisfied with their skills he reminds them that they are learning and thus motivates them and appreciates their efforts. “Oh look, you have even done a better job than I did.” he says to one girl. He is patient, kind as if his role was awakening another part in him.

I have known him louder, tense, most of the time enumerating what he has accomplished, bought or what he owns. He exists more through his possessions when he speaks.

Witnessing his transformation makes me feel soft too and surprised and tender towards him. I tell him how I appreciate his supporting way towards his friends. He asks me what job I think would suit him well once an adult. …

And suddenly, as if leaving behind the class room, he says “Oh I want to be an air traffic controller because you earn 4000 EUR a month and only work 4 days a week.”

In front of me is a boy that was taught that a good job is one where you earn a lot of money and do as little as possible.

The patient, kind, listening part has vanished again…for a short moment both parts stood in front of me looking at each other.

The world as I have known it does not exist anymore…it changes every other minute…I´m changing with it…the time of Not Knowing has expanded….I know my intentions: to connect, to care, to contribute, to listen, to trust….active choices.

I invite myself to live my intentions every moment a new and see where that brings me to.

The other day while talking to a friend on the phone he second-handed me words of an author he just read: to transform or substitute achievement with discovery instead…and immediately it makes sense to me.

In invite myself to shift from achieving as a strategy for recognition, for being seen, for connecting with purpose and meaning, developing my potential ..to nurturing these needs through discovery.

These past months I have put my focus on weaving communities. I understand myself as embodying one perspective among so many others. Truth and “what is” shapes from all these different ways of being. The reality in the middle of our circle is to be discovered, not achieved.

Miracles – Milagros


ENGLISH: This morning during my regular meditation with my spiritual practice zoom group several strands of thinking and sharing came together intertwining in my head, mixing with a TED talk, the book from Hildegard Kurt and an email text.

One participant mentioned miracles and how he would wish to open up to them. Charles Eisenstein came to my mind when he said in a TED talk: “..Our hearts know that a more beautiful world is possible; but our minds do not know how…they don´t allow for a path from here to there. Miracles would be necessary. Miracles – are not not the intercession of an external divine agency in violation of the law of nature. Miracles are impossible from an old understanding of reality and possible from a new one…”

And then another participant said he wanted to let go of having to be right. I recalled an email sent in a NVC inspired Adventcalendar. Christopher Gottwald wrote (I translate): “…But isn’t it actually the case that I can never really know anything! And certainly not for others? Perhaps I have personal experience based on many events, perhaps I have read a lot on a topic, perhaps I have even carried out extensive scientific research myself – and yet I can only make assumptions! Maybe it’s different with this person, maybe it was 1,000 times like this, but in the 1,001 case something completely unexpected happens. …” He proposes to suggest, to offer, to assume and thus inviting curiosity.

And then I connect with the idea from Hildegard Kurt again how this other type of future, adventus, might bend from a future space to the present with new possibilities that do not exist in the extrapolation of knowledge from the past.

Miracles…

I wish us all a lot more of them combined with trust that a wonderful peaceful world with us included is possible.

Yesterday I was one of the lonely people, now you´re lying close to me, making love to me, I believe in miracles – Hot Chocolate

Oh, I believe in miracles, Oh, I believe in a better world for me and you – The Ramones


CASTELLANO: Esta mañana, durante mi meditación habitual con mi grupo de práctica espiritual por zoom, varios hilos de pensamiento e intercambio se entrelazaron en mi cabeza, mezclándose con una charla TED, el libro de Hildegard Kurt y un mensaje de texto por correo electrónico.

Un participante mencionó los milagros y cómo le gustaría abrirse más a ellos. Charles Eisenstein vino a mi mente cuando dijo en una charla TED: “… Nuestros corazones saben que un mundo más hermoso es posible; pero nuestras mentes no saben cómo … no permiten un camino de aquí para allá. Los milagros serían necesarios. Milagros no son la intercesión de una agencia divina externa en violación de la ley de la naturaleza. Los milagros son imposibles desde una antigua comprensión de la realidad y posibles desde una nueva … “

Y luego otro participante dijo que quería dejar de tener la razón. Recordé un correo electrónico enviado en un calendario estos días inspirado en CNV. Christopher Gottwald escribió (traduzco): “… ¡Pero no es así que realmente nunca puedo saber nada cierto! ¿Y sobre todo no para los demás? Quizás tengo experiencia personal basada en muchos eventos, quizás he leído mucho sobre un tema, quizás incluso he llevado a cabo una extensa investigación científica, ¡y sin embargo, solo puedo hacer suposiciones! Tal vez sea diferente con esta persona, tal vez fue mil veces así, pero en el caso 1.001 sucede algo completamente inesperado. … ” Nos propone sugerir, ofrecer, asumir y así invitar a la curiosidad.

Y luego vuelvo a conectar con la idea de Hildegard Kurt de cómo un tipo de futuro, adventus, se inclina desde el futuro hacia el presente informándonos de nuevas posibilidades que no existen en la extrapolación del pasado.

Milagros …

Nos deseo a todas las personas muchos más milagros acompanados de la confianza de que un mundo maravilloso y pacífico es posible con nosotras incluidas.

“Rauhnächte” – Christmastide – 12 Noches de Navidades

in Schloss Freudenberg, Wiesbaden

ENGLISH: Dear friends,

Where am I now at the end of 2020?…officially registered in Landsberg a. Lech in Germany since mid May.

I am deeply grateful for friendships that offer me space and my place in the “Circle”.

These days I´m inspired by a book written by Hildegard Kurt, “Die Neue Muse”. She writes: “..The new Muse invites you to take up the gift of perception as a task. She encourages a mindset that is supported by presence and sensing openness. She confirms the assumption that becoming, that change is possible. She calls on people not to be cut off from their own potential for development … She teaches that what is new can not be done, but rather needs to be recognized, let in, and nourished … She encourages us to remove the superfluous, the constipating, to let go of what is falling apart; to emancipate ourselves from what is too much…”

And further on: ”…The new Muse inspires to combine creative power with awareness, freedom with responsibility. She leans towards the present from the future. .. by her nature she primarily integrates the creative depths of that which comes “from ahead”.

…by touching, inwardly moving and informing each and every individual in whatever field of work, she at the same time transforms the space between people; inspires to joint, collaborative craft. …where attentive, eager people come together, generative power can grow inspired by their encounter and their relationship…”

It makes sense to me.

Hildegard Kurt differentiates between two types of future: Zukunft and Adventus, the first bending away from the present into the future based on experience, on known, extrapolating, an apple seed growing into an apple tree… the second bending towards the presence from the future..synchronicities, chance events that will influence ones life completely, Corona for my bike trip.

I´m fascinated.

At the beginning of the first confinement Shona Cameron (certified NVC trainer in Scotland) helped me to change and replace a long held belief that made sense when moving from place to place as a child, as an adolescent, as a young woman and kept me an observer inside, always a bit detached of the political situation, of social habits, of customs. I understood that safeguarding my authenticity and my essence were important. I recently exchanged the belief against : ”I´m here, now, where I belong” and it is valid where ever I am…now.

I just got a call from a dear friend in Spain reaching out to me with her love, with being present to my situation…cuddling through the phone.

I am blessed with a tender web of connection where ever I am.

I decided to spend the next 14 days with myself, reading, looking inside and sharing insights with a friend. We are both following the invitation of celebrating the Rauhnächte, a habit of bringing awareness during the days between the 25th of December and the 6th of January.

Funny enough two days ago when meeting on zoom for winter solstice the words came to my mind: “..To care for my roots so that I can reach out and bend….assertiveness….relate from my adult ME…”

Again, somehow it makes sense to me without yet understanding fully.

My daughter just called. I had planned to spend three days with her and with my son in Freiburg. They will spend the Xmas days together, held in friendship, in mutual trust, preparing food, playing games, listening to each other, sharing….I will be with them from here, in quarantine, joyful and sad at the same time. It is completely okay as it is.

Dear people that have supported me, that have shared your lives with me, your colours, your laughter and tears, your experiences…I´m deeply grateful and continue walking with you.

And with words from Sting while listening to the song “So to Speak”:

…Our mission is more than a struggle for breath, for a few extra rounds in a fight to the death. When our mission is love, and compassion and grace, it’s not a test of endurance, or a marathon race. For love is the sabre, and love is the shield, Love is the only true power we wield…An eternal love is all ye should seek, That ship will be ready to sail… so to speak..

Sting – “So to Speak”

With love circling…and cycling, Iris


aus “Die Neue Muse” – Hildegard Kurt

CASTELLANO: Queridas, queridos,

¿Como me encuentro a finales de 2020?..empadronada en Landsberg desde mitad de mayo.

Estoy profundamente agradecida por las amistades que me brindan espacio y que me invitan a tomar mi lugar en el “Círculo”.

Estos días me inspira un libro “Die Neue Muse”, escrito por Hildegard Kurt. Escribe: “…La nueva Musa te invita a asumir el don de la percepción como una tarea. Fomenta una mentalidad respaldada por la presencia y por una apertura sensible. Confirma la idea que emergencia, que cambio es posible. Te anima a no dejarte aislar de tu propio potencial de desarrollo … Enseña que lo nuevo no se puede tanto hacer, sino que se trata mas de reconocerlo, dejarlo entrar y nutrirlo … La nueva Musa nos anima a soltar lo que es superfluo, lo que bloquea, lo que está desgastado; nos invita emanciparnos de lo que no hace falta…”

Y sigue: “..La nueva Musa inspira a combinar el poder creativo con la conciencia, la libertad con la responsabilidad. Se inclina hacia el presente desde el futuro. .. por su naturaleza integra principalmente las profundidades creativas de lo que viene “desde delante”. Al tocarnos, al movernos interiormente e al informar a todas y cada una de las personas en cualquier campo de trabajo, al mismo tiempo transforma el espacio entre las personas; inspira a la creación conjunta y colaborativa. Porque donde se juntan personas atentas y presentes, el poder generativo puede crecer a partir del encuentro y las relaciones…”

Tiene sentido para mí.

Hildegard Kurt diferencia entre dos tipos de futuro: Zukunft y Adventus, el primero que se inclina desde el presente hacia el futuro basado en la experiencia, en lo conocido, extrapolando, una semilla de manzana que se convierte en un manzano … el segundo que se inclina desde el futuro hacia el presente.. .sincronicidades, acontecimientos fortuitos que influirán por completo en una vida, Corona para mi viaje en bici.

Me fascina.

Al comienzo del primer confinamiento, Shona Cameron, (facilitadora certificada de CNV en Escocia) me ayudó a cambiar y reemplazar una creencia limitante arraigada desde hace mucho tiempo. “No Pertenezco” tenía sentido en los tiempos cuando me mudaba de un lugar a otro cuando era niña, como adolescente, como mujer joven. La creencia me mantuvo como observadora, siempre un poco desprendida de la situación política, de los hábitos sociales, de las costumbres. Comprendí que intentaba salvaguardar mi autenticidad y mi esencia. Recientemente intercambié la creencia con: “Estoy aquí, ahora, donde pertenezco” y es válido donde quiera que esté … ahora.

Acabo de recibir una llamada de una querida amiga en España que se acerca a mí con su amor, con su presencia a mi situación … abrazándome a través del teléfono.

Estoy bendecida con una tierna red de conexiones donde quiera que esté.

Decidí pasar los siguientes 14 días conmigo misma, leyendo, mirando adentro. Con una amiga decidimos seguir la invitación de celebrar los Rauhnächte, una costumbre de escucharse, de cultivar conciencia durante los días entre el 25 de diciembre y el 6 de enero.

Hace dos días, cuando nos reunimos en zoom para el solsticio de invierno, me vinieron a la mente las palabras: “… Cuidar mis raíces … asertividad … relacionarme desde mi YO adulto …”

Una vez más, de alguna manera tiene sentido para mí sin entenderlo completamente.

Mi hija acaba de llamarme. Tenía planeado pasar tres días con ella y con mi hijo en Friburgo. Pasarán los días de Navidad juntos, en amistad, en mutua confianza, preparando comida, jugando, escuchándose, compartiendo… Yo estaré con ellos desde aquí, en cuarentena, alegre y triste al mismo tiempo. Estoy en paz con lo que hay.

Queridas personas que me habéis apoyado, que habéis compartido conmigo partes de vuestras vidas, vuestros colores, vuestras risas y lágrimas, vuestras vivencias … Estoy profundamente agradecida y sigo caminando con vosotras.

Y con la letra de Sting mientras escucho su canción “So to speak”:

“…NUESTRA MISIÓN ES MÁS QUE UNA LUCHA POR RESPIRAR, POR UNAS RONDAS EXTRA EN UNA PELEA A MUERTE. CUANDO NUESTRA MISIÓN ES EL AMOR, LA COMPASIÓN Y LA GRACIA, NO ES UNA PRUEBA DE RESISTENCIA O UNA CARRERA DE MARATÓN. PORQUE EL AMOR ES EL SABLE, Y EL AMOR ES EL ESCUDO, EL AMOR ES EL ÚNICO PODER VERDADERO QUE EJERCEMOS, UN AMOR ETERNO ES TODO LO QUE DEBES BUSCAR, ESE BARCO ESTARÁ LISTO PARA NAVEGAR … POR ASÍ DECIRLO…”

Sting – “So to Speak”

Con amor circulando … y “ciclando”, Iris

Ahora te puedo ver y escuchar / Now I can see and hear you

Nieve!!!

Ha nevado – estoy sorprendida de ver el paisaje todo en blanco por la mañana. No escuché las previsiones. Sigue nevando. Ayer por la noche fui a ver a mi madre y la nieve debajo de mis pies crujó suavemente y absorbó los ruidos. Hay un silencio nuevo que no estaba los días atrás.

Me gusta y empiezo a mirar otros zapatos…los niños se dieron cuenta rápidamente de mis sandalias.

Durante las ultimas semanas ha habido cambios en algunas relaciones con adolescentes. Conseguí definir mis limites sin castigar y de repente nos miramos, nos hablamos con cuidado, nos relacionamos con respeto. “Hasta aquí…¿donde hay un malentendido? Vale solucionado, te he aclarado las reglas. Yo sé que para ti parecen estúpidas porque fuera del cole actúas libremente, no tienes que esperar en cruzar calles. Pero aquí si. Me imagino que te moleste. Sabes porque es importante para mi?” ..y espontáneamente me contesta, que sabe que yo tengo la responsabilidad…”Exactamente, gracias por comentarlo. Si, me siento segura si puedo confiar en vosotros..si puedo confiar completamente que vais a seguir estas reglas. Entonces puedo salir del territorio escolar con ganas.”

Y mientras estuvimos corriendo detrás del grupo, que habíamos dejado ir para aclarar la situación, empezamos una conversación con curiosidad mutua. Se abre espacio para vernos. Delicioso.

Y parece que esta conversación repercutió en otras relaciones. Me invitan a jugar al futbol y la barrera entre nosotros se reblandece. Creamos vínculos.

Mi campo de experimento queda abierto. “¿Que actitud interior mía favorece la conexión? ¿Que estructuras hacen falta para apoyar al niño para poder expresar y revelarse – una pregunta inspirada por David Shindoll, maestro y facilitador de CNV certificado.

Entrevista con David Shindoll

It has snowed – I am surprised to see the landscape all white in the morning. I didn´t pay attention to the weather forecast. It’s still snowing. Last night I went to see my mother and the snow under my feet crunched softly and absorbed the noises. There is a new silence that was not there days ago.

I like it and start looking for other shoes … the kids quickly noticed my sandals.

During the last few weeks there have been changes in some relationships with teenagers. I managed to define my limits without punishing and suddenly we looked at each other, we spoke with care, we related with respect. “Up to here … where is the misunderstanding? What needs more clarity? Okay solved, I have clarified the rules. I know they seem stupid to you because outside of school you act freely, you don’t have to wait to cross streets. But here you do. I can understand that it might bother you. Do you know why it is important to me? ” ..and he spontaneously answers me, that he knows that I have the responsibility … “Exactly, thank you for saying that. Yes, I feel safe if I can trust you … if I can completely trust that you will follow these rules. Then I can accompany you and the group out of the school grounds eagerly. “

And while we were running after the group, which had gone ahead while we clarified the situation, we started a conversation with mutual curiosity. Space opened up to connect. Delicious.

And it seems that this conversation had an impact on other relationships too among the classmates. They invite me to play soccer and the barrier between us softens. We create links.

My field of experiment is open. What inner attitude of mine favors the connection? What structures are needed to support the child to express and reveal him- or herself – a question inspired by David Shindoll, certified NVC teacher and facilitator.

My liberation is tied up with the children´s liberation…

Magdeburg

Elbe

ENGLISH: My daughter moved to Magdeburg for a Master degree in Environmental Psychology. I visited her..curious about what the new town was like, and who where the people she was living with in her newly found students’ flat. What social environment had she found for her?

Laura fetched me from the station and we walked home past the completely unfamiliar architecture of local churches through broad streets paved with neatly laid cobblestones. I was welcomed with a delicious dinner prepared by her flat mates, spicy and rich, self made falafel, nam bread, vegetable stew Indish style…and was received with an open attitude, interested faces, welcoming gestures, kindness…

I like Magdeburg: the combination of the mentioned broad streets, less illuminated by night than in other cities I know, several firm standing churches lining the Elbe river, the big parks with freshly planted trees at so many places, the presence of the river, its island, connecting both river sides and broadening the contact between land and water, visible signs of solidarity for common city projects (e.g. renovating a bridge) and huge buildings, abandoned that where part of the harbour’s flourishing economy back then…… The city offers space.

We cycled to the northern tip of the central island in the Elbe and sat down enjoying the autumn sun. I heard their noise first, their singing, rauque, goose like and different: cranes! Circling in the sky, shaping newly before choosing a direction to continue migrating….I started to cry…..just letting my tears flow, weeping …with them I let loose of all the tension in my body about the elections in the US, ..and the conversations we had around it, because of it….

I felt deep mourning over nature being dominated, domination systems seizing power over those that consider other lives matter, huge separation between people, between people and their nature…

The evening before during our shared dinner Laura’s flatmate had announced that he and his partner were expecting a baby, to be born next year, him being the first to-be-father among the flat mates and their small community. We applauded, we laughed, we congratulated and at the same time I was fearsome about the child’s future…I mentioned it later to my daughter and she confirmed, that although she would like to be a mother she might probably decide against it.

That confronted me with another consequence about social collapse foreseen in “Deep Adaptation” written by Jem Bendell tangible in my life. I so wish to prepare myself for being able to support, hold, mediate and mourn and contribute to life in ways that bring connection, love, meaning and mutual understanding besides the pain over lost and squandered posibilities of care and respect.


Hokusai Says

Hokusai says Look carefully.
He says pay attention, notice.
He says keep looking, stay curious.
He says there is no end to seeing.

He says Look Forward to getting old.
He says keep changing,
you just get more who you really are.
He says get stuck, accept it, repeat yourself
as long as it’s interesting.

He says keep doing what you love.
He says keep praying.
He says every one of us is a child,

every one of us is ancient,
every one of us has a body.
He says every one of us is frightened.
He says every one of us has to find a way to live with fear.

He says everything is alive –
shells, buildings, people, fish, mountains, trees.
Wood is alive.
Water is alive.
Everything has its own life.
Everything lives inside us.
He says live with the world inside you.

He says it doesn’t matter if you draw, or write books.
It doesn’t matter if you saw wood, or catch fish.
It doesn’t matter if you sit at home
and stare at the ants on your verandah or the shadows of the trees
and grasses in your garden.

It matters that you care.
It matters that you feel.
It matters that you notice.
It matters that life lives through you.

Contentment is life living through you.
Joy is life living through you.
Satisfaction and strength
are life living through you.
Peace is life living through you.

He says don’t be afraid.
Don’t be afraid.
Look, feel, let life take you by the hand.
Let life live through you.

– Roger Keyes


CASTELLANO: la traducción llegará pronto…..

Gedanken zum Schulalltag / Thoughts after School

Eibenwald beim Zellsee

DEUTSCH: Ich vertrete Regeln an der Schule…

..der Ruheraum ist Ruheraum und nicht “Laut-Raum”.

…im Ruheraum wird nicht mit Bauklötzen gespielt,

…im Ruheraum wird nicht getobt,

…wird nicht über Liebesbriefe diskutiert und gelacht,

…im Ruheraum wird zur Ruhe gekommen.

Der Ruheraum ist eine Strategie, um dem Bedürfnis Ruhe nachzukommen, innerer Ruhe, …

Ist der Ruheraum Stilleraum? Nein, denn ich darf vorlesen….

Warum wird er dann nicht Vorleseraum genannt?

Was darf im Ruheraum noch getan werden?

Ich vertrete Regeln, um Absehbarkeit, Verlässlichkeit, Transparenz und einen größeren Rahmen zu garantieren, in dem wir miteinander umgehen, lernen, leben…….damit alle einfacher Strategien wählen können, um nach sich zu sehen.

Ruhe, Nähe, menschliche Wärme, Sicherheit…eher im Ruheraum

Kreativität, Entspannung, Inspiration, Neugierde….eher im Kreativraum

Bewegung, Spiel, Grenzen testen, Miteinander…eher auf und um das Klettergerüst draussen

Das Wohnzimmer steht für Miteinander, Spiel, Ruhe für Hausaufgaben, Kreativität, Zuhören, Ausruhen, Entspannen….. Vier Mädchen stürmen herein wie der Wirbelwind, legen die Regeln über die Köpfe der anderen fest, nehmen sich den Softball und spielen im Vorraum Fußball, kicken ihn hin und her, lauter als mir lieb ist, um die Ruhe zum Hausaufgaben machen zu gewährleisten. Ich wünsche mir die Inklusion oder wenigstens das Gehörtwerden der Bedürfnisse aller anderen, nicht über ihre Köpfe hinweg.

Mir kommt das Bild in den Sinn von Wildwuchs: Büsche am Wegesrand werden grob von einer Maschine abgeschnitten, um den Rand frei zu machen und die Büsche schlagen wieder wild aus, nicht formschön aber lebendig, dennoch, trotz-ig.

Welche eurer Bedürfnisse finden gar keinen Raum…braucht ihr einen Neuen dafür? Wie könnt ihr vertrauen, dass mir eure Bedürfnisse wichtig sind, dass ihr mir wichtig seid? Ich vermute den Wunsch nach Intimität zu viert im Vorzimmer, Autonomie, Selbstwirksamkeit….UND ich wünsche mir Inklusion aller Kinder. Ich weiß im Augenblick keine Lösung außer der, uns gegenseitig zuzuhören. Was hindert euch daran?

Du wirfst den zum Verkauf angebotenen Kürbis zurück auf den Kürbisberg. …und als ich dich darauf anspreche, murmelst du etwas und verschwindest in der Menge, zeigst mir den Rücken. Auf dem Pausenhof erneut darauf angesprochen, erwiderst du: ”Der ist doch nichts wert!”

Ich vermute nun, du fühlst dich unsicher hier auf dem Pausenhof, spürst vielleicht Scham? Bedeutet dein Satz soviel wie: “Es war doch nicht so schlimm” und drückst damit deinen Wunsch nach Verhältnismässigkeit aus? Damals ging es dir vielleicht um Autonomie, Selbstwirksamkeit, Spaß, Zugehörigkeit zu deinesgleichen, denn alle lachten und spornten dich an?

Es fällt mir schwer nicht gleich zu denken “Das geht nicht!…kein Respekt…”. Ich spüre Weltschmerz, interpretiere gleich, Essen und Natur würden nicht geachtet, “Überflussgesellschaft”, “Wegwerfgesellschaft” kursieren durch meinen Kopf…..und bin traurig. Wie kann ich dir davon erzählen, ohne dass du dich schuldig fühlst, solltest du mir zuhören mögen? Ich merke, noch glaubte ich, nur wenn du dich schuldig fühlst, änderst du dein Verhalten. Ich würde so gerne mit dir aus dieser bekannten Nummer raus kommen. Mit allen von euch möchte ich diese Erfahrungen von Beschämung, Schuldzuweisung, Falsch-Sein eintauschen gegen Vertrauen, dass ein jeder von uns angenommen und willkommen ist….und wir deswegen freiwillig beitragen wollen zum Wohl von uns selbst und der anderen. Wieviel Reife und Bewusstsein braucht das?

Early morning cow

ENGLISH: With my new role at school I represent rules …

..the calmness room is a calmness room and not a “noisy room”.

… building blocks are not used in the calmness room,

.. there is no running and jumping in the calmness room,

… it´s not a place to discuss and laugh about love letters,

… you can relax in the calmness room, you ground here.

It is a strategy to meet the need for calmness, relaxation, inner peace, …

Is it a silence room? No, because I can read books to you aloud .…

Then why isn’t it called the reading room?

What else can be done in it?, you ask by pushing the limits.

I represent those rules to guarantee predictability, reliability, transparency and a larger framework in which we deal with one another, learn, live together… …. so that everyone can choose easier strategies to look after themselves and to feel safe.

Peace, closeness, human warmth, security … rather to be found in the calmness room

Creativity, relaxation, inspiration, curiosity … to be found more in the creativity room

Movement, play, testing limits, togetherness … rather on the climbing structure outside on the playing ground

The living room stands for togetherness, play, concentration during homework, creativity, listening to each other, resting, relaxing … .. Four girls rush in like a whirlwind, decide about the rules without asking the others, grab the softball and toss it to and fro in the hallway, kick it around, louder than I enjoy, to be able to ensure the silence needed for doing homework. I would like everyone else to be included, everyone´s needs met or at least listened to.

The image of wild growing bushes comes to my mind: when bushes along the way are roughly cut by a machine to clear the edge and they grow back again, not with a beautiful shape as they where before but lively, wild, with a sense of “nevertheless”, defiantly.

Which of your needs doesn´t find recognition at all? How can you trust that your needs are important to me, that you are important to me? I suspect the desire for intimacy among you four, autonomy, self-efficacy, power, to make a difference …. AND I want all children to be included. I don’t know of any solution right now other than to listen to each other. What is keeping you back?


You throw the big orange pumpkin back onto the others that are arranged like a mountain next to the street and offered for sale. … and when I approach you because of it, you mumble something and disappear into the crowd, turning your back on me. When asked about it again on the playground two days later, you reply: “It’s worth nothing!”

I suppose you feel uncomfortable now, maybe you feel shame? Does your sentence mean something like: “It wasn’t that bad after all” and does it express your desire for proportionality? Back then you acted to meet needs of perhaps autonomy, fun, belonging to your peers, because everyone laughed and spurred you on?

I find it difficult not to think straight away, “That doesn’t work! … no respect …”. I feel pain, sorrow, I connect right away with food and nature not being respected, affluent society, throwaway society… ..and I am sad and helpless. How can I tell you about it without making you feel guilty should you like to listen to me? I realize, I still believed, only when you feel guilty will you change your behavior. I would love to get out of this conditioned thinking with you. With all of you, all of us I would like to leave these experiences of shame, blame, being wrong and exchange them against trust that each of us is accepted and welcome so that we can openheartedly give and receive and look after each other. How much maturity and awareness does that need?

Accepting Privileges / Aceptando Privilegios

Initiation for 1st graders at the Waldorf school / Iniciación para los alumnes de primaria en la escuela Waldorf

ENGLISH: I was talking to my empathy buddy today…an hour of listening, reflecting, asking and expressing ..and while it was my turn to explore I realized some subtle U-turn, as if walking back the way I came and choosing a different street at the crossing.

It is about privilege. I ran away from it. I ran away when I left Germany 17 years ago, tired of complaints about lack. “We don´t have this..we don´t have that…” while I saw abundance, more than sufficient, piles of things thrown away and not used…resources that were produced and wasted….I saw people taking shelter in posessions, cars and houses and objects and better stuff than already bought.

I fled a marriage where I saw committment to a common good and at the same time how it affected our growing standard of living. I fled to be true to myself and left behind most of the privilege, as much as possible….knowing that I would always be privileged by upbringing and education, by the choices I was able to make.

And years later I feel frustration about the fact that despite all these privileges I don´t have more influence in times where I want to contribute to change. I feel mourning about having limited myself. It coincides with the fact of seeking community, one that is close by and on a daily basis. Is my (precious) virtual community a valid substitute? I live our dialogues (on zoom) as cristalization points for awareness, for making space for emergence….and at the same time there is longing for clarity in what direction to step forward to.

Yesterday I felt deep pain about the lack of tribe and a voice that blamed me for it: “You ran away again! You decided to make a bike trip and leave Spain. Stop whining now.” It hurt…belonging to tribe is a longing and I believe that stepping out of our individualism is one of the few things that will make survival in peace possible…learning how to create, be in and how to care for community.

I sat on my bike in order to get my head free and my heart a bit lighter. I crossed the market place when a friend mentioned to me: “Iris, there is folk in front of the church talking about the Commons.” Although it was not in my direction it was clear to follow that hint. I met a group of people and was asked: “What do you think do we need to survive?” “Community” just spilled out of me nearly with tears. We began talking and I learnt that they meet once a month. I also met the woman who´s name I had heard several times already and who I was so curious to meet….a woman, who seems to hold togetherness through differences, joy, liveliness, committment. I felt relief….confidence that I had found the right “door”, the first door to community here.

And while cycling to visit old trees I was imagining my future: what if life wants me to stay longer and thus being closer to my mother and children? What if I can find a different relationship to privilege and instead of pushing it away step into it and accept its power to shape? What if I can transform my fear of power into trust that I have choice whether it corrupts me or not? Again Rijumatis sentence comes to my mind: “Don´t let it happen.” It has truth. I have choice ….whether I choose between the “Great Gatsby” or strategies like those I read from Miki Kashtan. Regularly during the year she looks at her income, checks what is more than she needs and supports projects or people with it that have less resources. I have friends that live that intention…I can do so too…and with the support of empathy and honesty I hope being able to stick to my values. I want as much as I need, not more and not less.

I´m looking forward to get to know this new local group this Wednesday..


CASTELLANO: Hoy estaba hablando con mi compañera de empatía … una hora de escuchar, reflejar, preguntar y expresar … y mientras fue mi turno de expresarme y explorar, me di cuenta de un sutil cambio de sentido, como si regresara por donde vine y eligiera una dirección diferente, en el cruce de caminos.

En el foco de mi exploración salió el privilegio … me escapé de él. Me escapé cuando dejé Alemania cansada de las quejas sobre la escasez. “No tenemos esto … no tenemos aquello …” mientras yo vi abundancia, más que suficiente, montones de cosas tiradas y no utilizadas … recursos que se produjeron y desperdiciaron … vi gente refugiándose en posesiones, coches y casas y objetos y mejores cosas de las que ya se habían comprado.

Huí de un matrimonio donde vi el compromiso con un bien común y, al mismo tiempo, cómo resultaba en un crecimiento de nuestro nivel de vida que me incomodó. Huí para ser fiel a mí misma y intenté dejar atrás el “privilegio”, tanto como me fue posible… sabiendo que siempre seré privilegiada por la crianza y la educación, por el tipo de decisiones que pude tomar.

Y años después siento frustración que teniendo todos estos privilegios no tengo más influencia para contribuir al cambio. Paso duelo por haberme limitado negando mis privilegios. Coincide con mi búsqueda de comunidad, una que está cerca y en lo cotidiano. Me pregunto si mi comunidad virtual (tan preciosa!!) es un sustituto válido. Quiero pensar en nuestros diálogos (via zoom) como puntos de cristalización, donde se materializan conciencia, y apertura para lo que emerge…. Y al mismo tiempo noto impaciencia y confusión …deseo claridad para dar un paso firme en una dirección.

Ayer sentí con profundo dolor la falta de tribu y una voz que me hizo responsable de ello: “¡Te escapaste de nuevo! ¡Es tu culpa si no te quedas en un lugar para dar forma a esa comunidad! Deja de llorar ahora.” Me dolió … pertenecer a una tribu es un anhelo y creo que salir de nuestro individualismo es una de las pocas cosas que hará posible la supervivencia en paz … aprender a crear, estar y cuidar comunidad.

Salí en bici para liberar mi cabeza y aligerar mi corazón. Escuché un comentario mientras crucé el centro del pueblo: “Iris, hay gente delante de la iglesia presentando algo sobre el Bien Común.” Aunque no estaba en mi dirección, tenía claridad de seguir esa pista. Conocí a un grupo de personas y me preguntaron: “¿Qué crees que necesitamos para sobrevivir?” La “comunidad” me salió casi con lágrimas. Hablamos y por fin conocí a esta mujer cuyo nombre ya había escuchado varias veces, que tiene una energía de unión en las diferencias, de alegría, de vitalidad, de compromiso. Sentí alivio… confianza en haber encontrado lo que necesitaba… encontré una primera puerta a una comunidad aquí.

Retomé la excursión en bici y me imaginé mi futuro: ¿Y si la vida quiere que me quede más tiempo en esta zona, más cerca de mi madre y mis hijos? ¿Podré transformar mi relación con el privilegio y en lugar de negar-lo, aceptar y acogerlo para poner lo al servicio para el cambio? ¿Puedo convertir mi miedo de tener poder en confianza en que puedo elegir si me corrompe o no? De nuevo surge la frase de Rijumati: “No dejes que suceda”. Tiene verdad. Tengo elección… puedo elegir entre el “Gran Gatsby” o las estrategias como las que leí de Miki Kashtan. Regularmente durante el año mira sus ingresos, verifica lo que es más de lo que necesita y apoya proyectos o personas con menos recursos. Tengo amigos que viven esa intención … yo también puedo hacerlo … y con el apoyo de la empatía y la honestidad espero poder mantener mis valores. Quiero tanto como necesito, ni más ni menos.

Con ilusión quedaré este miércoles con el nuevo grupo local.

Self-Righteousness / Justicia Farisaica

giraffe mottled sky / nubes “piel de jirafa”

ENGLISH: I did it again….

My mother (while moving the spoon cooking oats): “This is how you do mayonnaise, you move the spoon in eights.” What lands with me is the “This is how you do…“. I hear the lack of alternatives, I hear the one and only possible way…and faster than I can think I say: “In Spain they turn mayonnaise in circles.” At first I believe I said it for the sake of keeping the conversation going, easily sharing another observation. After a while I realize it was out of rebellion: “I can’t stand it no more to hear that this is the only way, right or wrong…either, or …!”

I feel sad, because the rebellion is fed by self-righteousness. It dyes my words with gun-shot-energy, with rigidity, with Jeanne d’Arc warriordom that does not create connection nor understanding but defensiveness, reaction and separation. I feel desperate.

Only when I imagine what a different approach to my mother’s words would have been like I see even more clearly the gap between where I am and where I want to go.

“This is how you do mayonnaise, you move the spoon in eights.” “Are you reminded of the years of apprenticeship back then when you were taught how to do mayonnaise?” “Yes, they were really serious about it! I still remember the guy with whom I learnt. His name was Casanova, really, no joke, and he dripped in the oil, drop by drop, while I was moving the spoon in eights.” “mmm…” “They were so stubborn ..we women weren’t even aloud into the kitchen when we had our monthly bleeding.” “Seems like tough rules?” “Yeah..and still I made it ’til the end and got my certificates and a job soon afterwards..” ….…

That dialogue might have created connection, relaxed bodies, softness between us.

Later in the morning I do a Dancefloor practice inspired in Bridget Belgrave, I believe adapted by Helen Adamson: What was my action?: I said “In Spain they do it differently.” …and related actions?: “taking recycable stuff out of the dustbin again; closing the running water tap; shutting down the television when nobody is around….“; My thinking: “It is not only your planet but the same for (hopefully) many generations to come. You don´t see that. I feel so alone with that pain.My feelings: I feel tense, like these toys with a compressed spring, that run of on their wheels when you put them on the floor, desperate, angry, tired, sad”; unmet needs: openess, acceptance, awareness, colaboration, coherence, …..and while I walk it through tears well up again and again. I’m grieving and stay put on mourning .

I look back to the needs that motivated my sentence: change and hope…..please let us be able to change before it is too late! Please, it´s so urgent. I can´t do that alone. I wish for openess to let the awareness in that we are on the brink of extinction. The need is so intense, taking up so much of my inner space and reality. I can open my heart to the harsh judgement of “self-righteousness”.

All this has been influenced by conversations about privilege and power…I fear the consequences should I behave in such a way not only on a low power level like today. I fear having power gained through my privileges. I can only think of shared power today, to rotate the leadership position to open the possibility for change, to prevent my rebellion expressed through “righteousness” to take the lead. Joe Provisor said: “Every circle needs a circle”, rotating roles. I wish for the loving community to hold my imperfections and my longing for change and learning.

in order: the need that fuelled my action, the action, and other related actions I did, my thoughts while acting, my feelings, unmet needs while doing it, met needs while doing it, mourning (to the right) and celebration (to the left)

CASTELLANO: Lo hice otra vez….

Mi madre (mientras mueve la cuchara cocinando copos de avena): “Así es como haces mayonesa, mueves la cuchara en ochos”. Lo que escucho es el “Así es como haces …”. Escucho la falta de alternativas, escucho la única forma posible … y más rápido de lo que puedo pensar digo: “En España dan vueltas a la mayonesa en círculos”. Al principio me digo que lo dije por el bien de mantener la conversación, ligeramente compartiendo otra observación. Después de un tiempo me doy cuenta de que fue por rebelión: “No puedo soportar más escuchar que esto o esto es el único camino, …correcto o incorrecto … de esta manera o de la otra…!”

Me siento triste porque la rebelión se alimenta de la justicia propia. Tiñe mis palabras con energía de disparo, con rigidez, con actitud de guerrera à la “Juana de Arcos”, que no crea conexión ni comprensión, sino defensividad, reacción y separación. Me siento desesperada.

Solo cuando me imagino lo diferente que hubiera sido el diálogo con mi madre enfocado de otra manera, veo aún más claramente la brecha entre dónde estoy y hacia dónde quiero ir.

“Así es como se hace la mayonesa, se mueve la cuchara en ocho”. “¿Te acuerdas de los años de aprendizaje cuando te enseñaron a hacer mayonesa?” “¡Sí, se lo tomaron muy en serio! Todavía recuerdo al chico con el que aprendí. Se llamaba Casanova, de verdad, no es broma, y dejaba caer el aceite, gota a gota, mientras yo movía la cuchara en ochos”. ” “mmm …” “Eran tan tercos … las mujeres ni siquiera estábamos permitidas en la cocina cuando teníamos nuestra regla”. “¿Parecen reglas estrictas?” “Sí … y aún así lo logré hasta el final y obtuve mis certificados y un trabajo poco después …”

Ese diálogo podría haber creado conexión, con nuestros cuerpos relajados, suavidad entre nosotras.

Más tarde en la mañana hago una práctica de “Pista de Baile” inspirada en Bridget Belgrave, adaptada por Helen Adamson (ver imagen):

Cuál fue mi acción: dije “En España lo hacen diferente“…y las acciones relacionadas: “sacar material reciclable otra vez de la basura; cerrar el grifo del agua corriente; apagar la televisión cuando no hay nadie cerca …”; Mi pensamiento: “No es solo tu planeta, sino el mismo para (con suerte) muchas generaciones por venir. No ves eso. Me siento tan sola con ese dolor. ” Mis sentimientos: “ Me siento tensa, como estos juguetes con resorte comprimido, que se mueven rapidamente sobre sus ruedas cuando los pones en el suelo, desesperada, enojada, cansada, triste ”; necesidades insatisfechas: “apertura, aceptación, conciencia, colaboración, coherencia, ….. y mientras me muevo sobre las cartas las lágrimas caen una y otra vez. Noto el duelo.

Miro hacia atrás a las necesidades que motivaron mi frase: cambio y esperanza … “¡por favor, que cambiemos antes de que sea demasiado tarde! Por favor, es tan urgente. No puedo hacer eso solo. Deseo apertura para permitir acceptar de que estamos al borde de la extinción.” La necesidad es tan intensa, ocupando gran parte de mi espacio interior y mi realidad. Puedo abrir mi corazón al severo juicio contra mi “justicia farisaica”.

Mi proceso ha sido influenciado por conversaciones sobre privilegios y poder … Temo las consecuencias si me comporto de esa manera no solo en un nivel de bajo poder como hoy. Temo el poder. Hoy, solo puedo pensar en el poder compartido, rotar la posición de liderazgo para favorecer el cambio, para evitar que mi rebelión se exprese a través de la “rectitud”. Joe Provisor dijo: “Todo círculo necesita un círculo”, los roles rotativos. Deseo una comunidad amorosa que sabe sostenerme con mis imperfecciones y mi anhelo de cambio y aprendizaje.

Not separated / No separada

Anne´s favourite place in the woods

CASTELLANO: Ayer en nuestro grupo de practicas IFS (Internal Family Systems; Sistemas de la Familia Interna) se expresó una parte mía con mucha alegría:

Es una parte que sale cuando la voz racional, lógica, cognitiva le deja espacio y deja de ser protagonista…así se hace ver una parte muy delicada que trae una luz azul, una llama interior que representa confianza en la vida, la voz del alma, una voz que intuye, que sabe de ciclos naturales, que no tiene miedo ni de la muerte ni de la oscuridad, una voz de transformación…

Estoy leyendo un libro de Ursula Seghezzi, “Im Land der Seele”, traducido como “En el País del Alma”. Los cuentos de los hermanos Grimm reciben otra mirada y vuelven a tener vida. Me emocionan..es como si un mensaje muy importante me llega de ellos. Es un mensaje que me trae confianza que puedo sostener los cambios y que puedo aprovechar la inestabilidad, la ruptura, la crisis, el no-saber, la incertidumbre para crecer. El mensaje es tan sutil como esta llama azul.

Hace algunos días volví de Bonn y Colonia donde visité amigas y amigos. Algunas personas son conocidas desde hace mucho tiempo y otras que conozco desde hace poco. Me une nuestra calidad de conexión, la manera que nos escuchemos. La presencia de la otra persona acompaña y facilita que me entiendo a mi y que puedo tomar decisiones de manera asertiva, ser el capitán de mi barco, bien integrada en mi red de vínculos y relaciones sociales, parte del tejido. Hay un sentir de interdependencia, un estado de “interbeing” (Charles Eisenstein- https://charleseisenstein.org/video/moving-towards-interbeing/ ), de “yo soy porque estoy unida a ti”. Me relajo!! Que alivio de formar parte, un hilo fino en la tela y a la vez influyendo y sosteniendo.

WALK SLOWLY

It only takes a reminder to breathe, a moment to be still, and just like that, something in me settles, softens, makes space for imperfection.

The harsh voice of judgment drops to a whisper and I remember again that life isn’t a relay race; that we will all cross the finish line; that waking up to life is what we were born for.

As many times as I forget, catch myself charging forward without even knowing where I’m going, that many times I can make the choice to stop, to breathe, and be, and walk slowly into the mystery.

by Danna Faulds

ENGLISH: Yesterday in our small group of IFS practitioners a part of me expressed itself with a lot of joy.

It´s a part that appears when my rational, logic thinking, making sense part steps aside and stops being the protagonist and when that part steps away from behind the steering wheel. So this other part becomes visible and tangible. It´s a delicate part that cares for an inner flame, a subtle blue light, that is connected to life, that trusts in life cycles, that is not afraid of darkness nor death, that knows about becoming and fading, a voice of transformation.

I was given a book by a friend written by Ursula Seghezzi, “Im Land der Seele”, “In the Land of the Soul”. She has rewritten Grimm´s fairytales in a way that bring them back to life for me. They touch me, move me…with a message that tells me that I´m capable of sustaining change, crisis, rupture, not-knowing and grow with them. The message is as subtle as the blue flame.

Some days ago I visited friends in Bonn and Cologne. Some I know for years, others I met recently. What unites me is the quality of connection and the way we listen to each other. The presence of the other person holds me and helps me to understand myself and allows me to take decisions in an assertive way. I am the captain of my ship and at the same time part of a bigger network. I feel interdependent, inter being (Charles Eisenstein- https://charleseisenstein.org/video/moving-towards-interbeing/ ), not just thinking it. “I am because I am with you”. I relax into being a tiny thread in the cloth and at the same time making a difference.

Unpacked, Completely….

Looking through my window / mirando por mi ventana

I have just finally unpacked my bags, …completely: today, 14th of August, I put the long lasting dry travel food out of my storage bike bag into the kitchen cupboard, rolled out the sleeping mat under the table in my mother´s workshop, and ate a piece of chocolate that was given to me in Freiburg after the NVC workshop I had given there. I had stocked all the bike bags in my mom´s attic waiting there for the moment I would continue my bike journey.

I won´t continue that soon.

These days I try to get all the documents needed for the job at the school I will start in September: I need a proof that I am mother for the new German health insurance. I wrote to the civil registry office in Bonn where Laura was born 23 years ago asking for her birth certificate, and to the health insurance in Spain for a document that I was registered with them until now. It is a bit of a puzzle work as I don´t have the originals with me, thinking I would have been back in Spain by now.

All this fuss makes it obvious that I am about to install myself for some time.

I visited my children last week. Drove there by bus, 5 hours. I will visit friends close to Cologne next week and even visit my former colleagues, with a kind of job ending celebration by having lunch together. Another friend I know since we were in primary school in Rome, also living in Germany, contacted me this morning and invited me to visit him and his wife soon. So, here I am in Germany again….checking whether the reasons for which I left the country 17 years ago are still relevant.

I don´t belong“– a core belief, that held me hostage for many years was recently replaced by a new one: „I am here now, where I belong“….and the „here“ stands for my presence, not a geographical place on the map. I get the impression that something subtle, something very delicate has changed since Shona Cameron guided me through the process of finding and transforming a limiting core belief. I´m more confident in being able to stay connected with the people I care for that live in different places than myself. I feel more down to earth where I am, trusting that I can do my work from many places….that I can express my opinion without asking for permission first.

Apart from working at the local Waldorfschool I will do some administration work for the IFS community in Spain. And I want to work as a freelance. At first I was discouraged when I started to inform myself about the legal consequences with a lawyer (NVC changed her life, she said). It seemed complicated and expensive to get to all the information. I then discovered free counseling initiatives. I feel animated again, because I see that there are ways I can find out even on a small budget…that there are ways that permit inclusion and support, especially designed for women.

I look out of my cellar window onto the green lawn and into the trees. I have decorated my window: a recent picture of Kalle, Laura and me taken at the river in Freiburg, summer atmosphere and smiling faces, a drawing of my new belief, a picture of things that are resourceful to me….the bunting is hanging behind me, reminding me of all the people that weave my social network, here and there.

We stay connected….






Move by Alicia Ostriker - 1937

Whether it’s a turtle who drags herself
Slowly to the sandlot, where she digs
The sandy nest she was born to dig

And lay leathery eggs in, or whether it’s salmon
Rocketing upstream
Toward pools that call, 
Bring your eggs here

And nowhere else in the world, 
whether it is turtle-green
Ugliness and awkwardness, or the seething
Grace and gild of silky salmon, we

Are envious, our wishes speak out right here,
Thirsty for a destiny like theirs,
An absolute right choice

To end all choices. Is it memory,
We ask, is it a smell
They remember,

Or just what is it—some kind of blueprint
That makes them move, hot grain by grain,
Cold cascade above icy cascade,
Slipping through
Water’s fingers
A hundred miles

Inland from the easy, shiny sea?
And we also—in the company
Of our tribe

Or perhaps alone, like the turtle
On her wrinkled feet with the tapping nails—
We also are going to travel, we say let’s be

Oblivious to all, save
That we travel, and we say
When we reach the place we’ll know

We are in the right spot, somehow, like a breath
Entering a singer’s chest, that shapes itself
For the song that is to follow.

Acabo de deshacer mis maletas, por completo: hoy, el día 14 de agosto, saqué mi provisión de viaje, seca, de larga duración de mi bolsa y la puse en el armario de la cocina, deshice la esterilla debajo de la mesa en el taller de mi madre y comí un trozo de chocolate que me regalaron en Friburgo después del taller de CNV que había impartido allí. Había almacenado las alforjas en el ático de mi madre esperando allí el momento en que continuaría mi viaje en bicicleta.

No continuaré tan pronto.

En estos días intento conseguir todos los documentos necesarios para el trabajo en la escuela que comenzaré en septiembre: necesito una prueba de que soy madre para el nuevo seguro médico alemán. Escribí al registro civil de Bonn donde nació Laura hace 23 años para pedir el certificado de su nacimiento, y al seguro de salud en España por un documento que estaba registrado con ellos hasta ahora. Es un poco complicado ya que no tengo los originales conmigo, pensando que ya estaría de vuelta en España.

Todo este alboroto me hace ver que estoy a punto de instalarme por algún tiempo.

Visité a mis hijos la semana pasada, en autobús, 5 horas. Visitaré a amigos cerca de Colonia la semana que viene e incluso visitaré a mis antiguos compañeros de trabajo, con una especie de celebración de finalización del trabajo al comer juntos. Otro amigo que conozco desde que estábamos en la escuela primaria en Roma, también viviendo en Alemania, me contactó esta mañana y me invitó a visitarlo a él y a su esposa pronto. Entonces, aquí estoy de nuevo en Alemania… comprobando si las razones por las que dejé el país hace 17 años siguen siendo relevantes.

No pertenezco“- una creencia limitante que me mantuvo como rehén durante muchos años fue reemplazada recientemente por una nueva: “Estoy aquí ahora, donde pertenezco” … y el “aquí” se refiere a mi presencia, no a un lugar geográfico en el mapa. Tengo la impresión de que algo sutil, algo muy delicado ha cambiado desde que Shona Cameron me guió a través del proceso de encontrar y transformar esta creencia limitante. Tengo más confianza en seguir conectada con las personas que quiero y que viven en lugares diferentes a mí. Me siento más “pesada”, “plomada”, confiando en que puedo hacer mi trabajo desde muchos lugares… .que puedo expresar mi opinión sin pedir permiso primero.

Aparte de trabajar en la escuela Waldorf, haré algunos trabajos de administración para la comunidad IFS en España. Y quiero trabajar otra vez como autónoma. Al principio me desanimé cuando comencé a informarme sobre las consecuencias legales con una abogada (la CNV tambien cambié su vida, me dijo). Parecía complicado y costoso obtener toda la información. Luego descubrí iniciativas de asesoramiento gratuitas. Me siento animada de nuevo, porque veo que hay formas en las que puedo encontrar apoyo incluso con un presupuesto pequeño … que hay formas que permiten y acompañan la integración, especialmente diseñadas para mujeres.

Miro por la ventana de mi sótano hacia el césped verde y hacia los árboles. He decorado mi ventana: una foto reciente de Kalle, Laura y yo tomada al lado del río en Friburgo, atmósfera veraniega y caras sonrientes, un dibujo de mi nueva creencia, una imagen de cosas que me apoyan… .los banderines estan colgando detrás de mí, recordándome a todas las personas que tejen mi red social, aquí y allá.

Estamos conectadas….

Create your website with WordPress.com
Get started